10 Tips to approach your partner about couples counselling? Without Blame and Shame

Approaching your partner about couples counselling can be a sensitive topic. Here are some tips to help facilitate that conversation.

One effective way to introduce the concept of trying something new is to suggest a trial session. By proposing to attend a session together, you are offering a low-pressure opportunity to experience something without committing fully. This approach can help alleviate any apprehension or resistance that the other person may have towards the idea. It allows both parties to get a feel for what the experience entails and how it resonates with them. A trial session can serve as a valuable stepping stone towards making a more informed decision about whether to fully engage in the activity or not. It provides a safe and comfortable environment for exploration and evaluation, fostering a sense of openness and receptivity. Here's some more tips to support the conversation.

10 tips to approach couples counselling:

1.The right time and place: Find a calm, private setting where you both feel comfortable. Avoid bringing it up during heated moments.

2. Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and thoughts using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel that we could benefit from some guidance" instead of "You need help." "I want to turn towards you, instead of away".

3. Choose a counsellor together: One party can feel resentment when they are not involved in the decision-making process. Give some power to the person who didn't initiate the idea to support their feeling of involvement. Avoid and blaming or shaming.

Have you turned away instead of towards?

4. Emphasise the Benefits: Talk about the positive outcomes of counselling, such as improving communication, resolving conflicts, strengthening your bond and increasing intimate satisfaction.

5. Normalise the Experience: Remind your partner that seeking help is a now very common and healthy step in many relationships. Many couples benefit from counselling at different stages. It can support change in all areas of your lives, not just as a couple, however with individual emotional regulation and life satisfaction.

6. Listen Actively: Be prepared for your partner’s feelings and reactions. Listen without interrupting and validate their feelings, even if they differ from yours.

7. Be Patient: Your partner may need time to process the idea. Give them space to think it over and don’t push for an immediate decision.

9. Reassure Commitment: Emphasise that you're committed to the relationship and that counselling is a step towards improving it, not a sign of failure. This a step towards change. Ask the question, "if nothing changes now, where do you see us being in 12 months?"

10. Be Prepared for Resistance: Understand that your partner may initially be resistant. Be gentle and understanding, and keep the lines of communication open.

By approaching the conversation thoughtfully and with empathy, you can create a supportive environment that encourages your partner to consider counselling as a constructive option for your relationship.